The Vines

I am a rule follower by nature.  I see things as black and white, I'm a truth teller and often honest to a fault.  While accuracy is certainly a desired quality, it can be a fault too.  What you don't know, is I'm silently correcting your grammar, I edit your Facebook posts for punctuation in my head and don't even get me started on your use of homophones.  Sadly, this does not just stop with grammar issues, I have a drive for things to be "fair", to right the wrongs and to seek justice.

That doesn't leave room for much grace.

Today I was reading the story of Jonah.  The last chapter of this fascinating book of the Bible often gets overlooked.  Every child who has attended Sunday school for any amount of time knows about the prophet who got swallowed by a great fish when he disobeys God to go tell the Ninevites to repent or God will destroy their city.  He finally does repent, is spat out and goes to Nineveh to tell the Ninevites about God and they do repent.  God's anger relents and the city is not destroyed.

The last chapter sees Jonah watching this scene and waiting for God's judgement to come.  When God shows mercy Jonah is seriously angry.  He's in a very hot place and seeks shelter under a large vine God has provided that has sprung up.  The next day the plant suddenly dies when eaten by a worm and Jonah is again angry.  This time about God letting the plant die.  God asks him if he has a right to be angry about the vine, Jonah replies he's angry enough to die.

This next part is my favorite, because I see so much of myself in it.  Jonah 4:10-11, "But the Lord said, "You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow.  It sprang up overnight and died overnight.  But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well.  Should I not be concerned about that great city?"

The vine for me, being correct and factual and fair, is not what God says is important.  Showing God's compassion to a lost and dying world, a world that needs to understand God loves them, and sent his son to save them is important.  I think today I'll work on looking past the vines in my life and caring for people's hearts instead.

(P.S. I hope you find some grammatical errors in this passage, that would really make me laugh!)

I could complain

Today as I wandered around my vegetable garden I noticed that my zucchini stems were starting to rot, the green beans were extremely scarce and the tomatoes weren't growing. I started complaining in my heart about how I really wanted the vegetables to fill my freezer and save us money this winter. Then I was reminded of all the zucchini, green beans and green peppers I had just this morning vacuum sealed and tucked away for just such an occasion, and this occurred to me.

I could complain about my garden not producing like I'd like,

Or I could be grateful that it's produced at all.

I could complain about the heat index in July,

Or I could be grateful for my air conditioned escape.

I could complain about my 5 year old's second ear infection this summer,

Or I could be grateful we live in 2011 where there are medicines and she can keep her hearing.

I could complain about my husband's new shift,

Or I could be grateful he has a job.

I could complain that my grass is all brown,

Or I could be grateful I have a yard.

I could complain that we have no money in the bank,

Or I could be grateful for ways God has provided.

I could complain that my house is a mess after I cleaned it yesterday,

Or I could be grateful that God has given me two little mess makers.

I could complain that my body does not want to let go of fat cells,

Or I could be grateful that I have food in my fridge and dinner on the table.

I could complain that I'm tired all the time,

Or I could be grateful God has given me a life to experience and the capability to experience.

I could complain about the amount of laundry there is to do,

Or I could be grateful that God has blessed us with plenty.

I've learned, it's all a matter of perspective.

What about you, are you complaining or grateful today?

1 Thessalonians 5:18 No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Answers to Big Questions

Joplin, Missouri. In case you live under a rock, you know they had a terrible tornado rip through the town on Sunday. The death toll is rising past 100 now. Horrible.

As we watched in horror at CNN Lilla began to ask what happened. I started to explain it to her. Our conversation when something like this:

Lilla: Why is that lady on TV crying?

Me: Her house was actually picked up and moved off the ground in a tornado.

Lilla: Did God know that would happen?

Me: He did.

Lilla: Why would God let that lady's house get picked up?

Me: I don't know. I don't know, but God does. You see, we don't see the big picture, but God does. What we do know is that God's word tells us that through all things God is working to bring us all into a saving knowledge of Him. Like when somebody dies. It's very sad, but God can even use that to bring others to know Him.

Lilla: So maybe where that lady's house is they can build a church instead?

Me: Maybe. :)

Have I told you how much I love this child?

1 Corinthians 13:12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

"Look, no bangs!"

This morning, as I cleaned, Lilla was jumping up and down on my bed. As she jumped she held back her bangs with one hand and said, "Look at me mom! Does it look like I don't have bangs?"

Of course I played along and said, "Yes, I don't see any bangs at all."

She then replied, "Ah hah, I fooled you! I still have bangs, I was just holding them back."

I then giggled and told her she got me.

As I went on cleaning my mirror though I began thinking about that. How of course I wasn't fooled, I knew it and Lilla probably did too but we pretended and it was all in good fun.

Then I thought about the way we do that with God. We hide things, manipulate words and actions and think we have fooled God. We say, "Ah hah, gotcha!" in our hearts. But really, He is not fooled at all.

The Bible says, in 1 John 3:20 "If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything."

God knows our hearts, our minds and our actions. He knows why I do the things I do and the tricks I play in my mind to justify. He does love me, this I know, but He also wants full obedience from me. he wants me not to only be obedient to Him in my actions but in my heart too.

Something I'm pondering today.

A boost

My youngest daughter, Anna, is now 16 months old. She is very mobile and one of her favorite things to do is climb the stairs. She races over to them as fast as possible and then flies up them in a flash. Of course we are still concerned she will fall, so we try hard to have someone behind her as she goes up. We want her to learn how to climb stairs, so in case we aren’t there and she finds her way up someday, she will be able to do it safely. However, we also want to protect her from falling down.

Our four year old, Lilla, is particularly vigilant about staying with Anna on the stairs. She hovers over her as she slowly makes her way to the top. She is only slow at these times because Lilla is so close to her that she is practically holding Anna’s body down, just giving her enough room to get to the next step. Sometimes Anna tires along the way and you can see Lilla giving her a bit of boost on the bottom to make sure she makes it. Lovingly, Lilla painstakingly follows behind Anna to make sure that “my baby” (as she refers to her) makes it to the top ok.

As I watch this interaction, I can’t help but think how God sees his “babies” (us). He wants so much for us to reach the top of the stairs, the mountaintops in our lives, to fully receive all that He has for us. There are dangers, we sometimes miss a step, or slip down a stair or two, but God is always there protecting us and giving us a little push when we may need it. And don’t we all need it sometimes?

In Jeremiah 29:11, God said, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” I believe that is still true for us today. God has a plan for each of us, and each step in our lives is all a part of it.

I hope you feel His boost today.

A true blessing

Yesterday, on my way into Wal-Mart, I was carrying Anna in one arm and pulling Lilla through the parking lot with the other, my big old purse dangling all the while. A kind gentleman walking beside me hurried in front of me to open the door.



He then said, "Wow, you've got quite the load there!"

I replied, "I sure DO!"

He shot back, "It's not a bad thing though."

Thoughtfully I said, "No, it's a blessing."

I could hear he and his companion behind me making Awe noises, to which I smiled. We then went our separate ways.

But as I placed the girls in their seats and started walking the massive aisles, the girls started arguing about this, whimpering about that and, of course, I became frustrated. My blood pressure is rising as I'm trying to cajole them into behaving, which, of course, is not working, which is making me even more upset. (Shhhh...don't tell anyone but the only thing that works for us is Pringles. Another story altogether!)

Anyway, as I was rushing through the store, my voice raising and with my two little ones in tow, I suddenly remembered that simple exchange with the man at the door. These babies are blessings I said, but was I really treating them that way? Was I loving them with all my heart? Was I showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control with these gifts I had been given?

No, I sure wasn't. I was thinking selfishly of what I needed to get done, my own agenda, my own wants. I think back to the verse, "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3

I'm going to be asking the Lord to write that verse on my heart and never let me forget what my babies are.

Nothing short of a blessing.


And so, my prayer today is, Thank you Lord for these blessings you have put in my life. Please help me not to take them for granted. Help me to love as you love, to show kindness, gentleness, peace, patience and self control, just as you would want me to. Thank you for loving me and showing me how to love others. Help me to love well. Amen.

Weeding

I love to garden. I love the fresh fruit and vegetables, the smell of the growing plants and I even enjoy pulling the weeds out. There is something healing about working your hands in the dirt and in the end having a bounty of food to enjoy the whole winter through. We still have mounds of peppers in our freezer just waiting for us to enjoy!

Last year we started out with seeds, most of which were not successful, so we wound up spending a fortune in plants. Of course that small fortune saved us money in the long run, but still, it was a bit pricey all at once. So, this year we decided to grow our own in one of those Jiffy professional greenhouse kits. Really, it's just a plastic box with a plastic lid and a ton of dirt pellets inside, but it seriously works good! We couldn't believe when we planted a seed and a week later, this is what we saw...
Amazing!

So how this works is that you plant several seeds in each pod and they just begin to grow. When they are big enough you widdle them down so there is only one plant in each pod. Clearly so they don't kill each other trying to get the nutrients and water they need.

Well, it did not take long before we had to start weeding out the weakest links. Problem was, it was hard to tell the weakest from the strongest, they all looked the same! It was so hard for me to choose and difficult to say who gets to stay and who gets forever removed.
As I began doing the work of separation I started pondering how God does this in my life. Only, instead of the shared soil of greenhouse pods, it's the shared soil of life. So many people and things that stand next to me look and seem healthy, they seem to be growing right along side of me, happily going about life together, and suddenly they are pulled right out. How sad it is as a shared life is suddenly removed and abruptly everything is different. So many people who I walked with in ministry and life, that I believed truly healthy, were not healthy at all. So surprising to me. But, of course, God is never surprised. Never has an A-HA moment.

So, I return to God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." As I look out over the soil of my life, I see how much healthier I am because certain things were removed, how much stronger I am because I was allowed to gain water and nutrients I wouldn't have if others were taking from the same pod, and how grateful I am to be standing so much stronger as a result of God's pruning and development in my life.
And so, my prayer today is: Lord, thank you for being so loving to me to care enough to weed out the bad things. Help me to be willing to let things go, to be obedient to your lead and to only bask in the light of your presence, as you are all I need today.

First

For as long as Lilla can remember I have been quoting the verse, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility consider others better than yourself." (Phil 2:3) Even before she could walk, I have tried to press it into her that when we think of others before ourselves, we are choosing the Godly path. Even more recently I've been quoting the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." (Luke 6:31)

So, it was no surprise the other night at the dinner table when I pulled some bacon off of my burger and handed it to her, she said, "Thank you mommy. You were thinking of me before yourself."

Of course it was a bit of a proud moment as I thought, "Wow, she is really 'getting' it!" And, maybe a bit of a pat on the back as I thought, "Yeah, I sure was."

But then, as I thought it over, I was almost embaressed at all the times I don't think of others before myself. I gobble up all the Samoa cookies before anyone else can get them, I complain that my husband left the lights on so I have to turn them off, or worse, I don't talk to others about Christ because it is inconvenient or time consuming.

Then I thought about how Lilla sees this too. How she sees me get frustrated over teaching her to ride a bicycle, watches as I leave dishes in the sink for days or tell her impatiently that she needs to wait while I finish writing my blog post. In all of those things, does she see me walking the path of sacrifice and real love? No, of course not. I'm not thinking of others before myself at all. And, a little bacon off my burger doesn't make up for all those other "moments".

So, my prayer today is...Lord, thank you for being the most perfect example of thinking of others before yourself for my children and I. You gave us your everything when you gave us Calvary Love. Help me to show Calvary Love today too.

Black and white.

Lilla is black and white. That is how she sees the world. It makes her a rule follower, sometimes to a fault, but it's also very positive. For instance, when she was very little I told her the fireplace is dangerous. She's never, not once, touched it. She's almost four. Her 11 month old sister won't stop touching it.

Tonight I was putting her to bed and she was discussing with me why we need to help poor children. "They sleep on the street," she said. I said, "Yes, some do." She then asked who was going to help them get a home. I told her that maybe the government or churches or strangers, like us. She replied, "Well, you can't talk to a stranger."

She's black and white.

So months ago when I told her that we shouldn't be watching Spongebob because he says some not nice things (i.e. idiot, stupid...) she has really taken it to heart. To a point of, if she sees it come on tv she puts her head down in the couch and tells me I need to change the channel. Yeah, she might be a little extreme, but it's part of her black and white nature.

I started thinking about this though and how I told her he says unkind things and also how she is trying to protect herself from that. Even to the extent of burying her head into a couch so she can't see it. That, my friends, is dedication to the cause.

Of course I had to then think of myself and how I should be doing that too. I should be turning my head at the slightest hint of unrighteousness. Even to the extent of what Lilla does to turn and run from what I know is wrong. How often do I watch a program even though I know it has a history of using God's name in vain, making sexual references like it's just one big joke or just altogether being unGodly? How often do I listen to gossip, although I know I shouldn't? How often do I read articles that often should make my face turn 4 shades of red? ALL. THE. TIME.


I couldn't help but think of the childhood song, "O Be Careful little eyes what you see, o be careful little eyes what you see, for the Father up above is looking down with love, O be careful little eyes what you see."

I think I'm going to practice a little more of that caution today.

Oh What a Night, Late December back in 2008, what a baby, what a night!

So yeppers, I'm preggo! Our due date is December 28th.

I know that most people wait until they are 12 weeks to announce it, but please, I've never been good at keeping secrets and this is so huge for us! I feel like I share so much of my life with all of you in my bloggy world, why not this too? I wanted to say thank you to you all too, as I know so many of you prayed for me when I shared with you back in March what a hard time I had turning 33 as I hadn't gotten pregnant again, that I only felt it fitting to say thank you and allow you to celebrate and share in our great joy!

Psalm 127:3 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward." As I saw so many people around me getting pregnant I kept asking, "God, why don't you want me to have this blessing again?" I felt hurt and disappointed for so long. I mean, I want you all to know, I am so very thankful for my daughter, so please don't think otherwise. I am more than in love with that child. However, I longed to carry another child and experience the blessing again. I wanted to have a baby at my breast again, I wanted to feel the movement of a little someone in my belly and I desired for the peanut to have a sibling to share her life with. So, to see so many others being able to have children and it just not happening for us, I was jealous. I would be smiling on the outside but getting in my car and crying out to God on my way home. I was covetous and wanted what they had!!!

I didn't want to celebrate with them, I wanted them to hurt with me. Then, I began praying to God to give me joy for these women around me who wanted babies too and to celebrate with them instead of crying inside. I prayed for my heart to change, and it did. My jealousy did turn into joy. I was able to be honestly happy for them and want the best for them and their children. Then, funny thing, God opened up my womb again.

Coincidence? I honestly don't believe it is. In Romans 8:28, it says, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." and I believe that. I believe I needed to get through my own issues with jealousy an unkindness in my heart before God could move me forward.

I'm not saying this is why any woman who is struggling with infertility, this is the reasoning, but I can't help but believe that God has a plan and purpose for me, for my family and for this child for which we have prayed. And, I will never be the same again!

Depth of insight

I don't know about you, but when I was younger I had a major crush on the cutest boy in school. I would look at him from afar and think of how dreamy he looked and so, of course, must be. From what I saw, he looked good in a pair of Levi's, and that was about the depth of my 15 year old mind as far as "love" was concerned. My best friend, Laura, and I had a name for him. "The butt", yeah, we were deep like that. I imagined him as a Carey Grant type, so suave and debonair.

As my high school years went on I actually got to know this guy a bit more through classes. We started conversing and suddenly I realized, this guy was not the brightest crayon in the box. In fact, talking to him was rather like talking to a writing object. Yeah, that bad.

See, I had been deceived by looks. I was looking at the outside instead of his heart and mind and being concerned if he even cared about Christ.

How unimaginably different does Paul exhort us in Phillipians 1: 9, "And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight." He wants us to know Christ and so love Him more and more. And, it's so true, the more I know Him, the more I fall in love with Him. How could I not fall more in love with this God who is faithful, kind, overflowing in wisdom and most of all, desiring to be in relationship with me?!?!

Now, it's just the doing it that I have to work on...