Wednesday, September 29, 2010

2 AM

It's 2AM and I'm awake. Not because I want to be, for sure. I had a toothache on Monday, so I called the dentist. I went in on Tuesday, at 11, and they said, "Wisdom teeth need to be pulled."

They sent me to the oral surgeon and by 4pm, I had 3 less teeth. That was a real weird experience. Pliers in my mouth, one good yank and out comes my tooth. For $205 a tooth. I'm really not kidding.

I actually had the thought afterward, couldn't this just be done at home? You know, in your garage or something.

Did I mention I've been taking Vicodin ever since? That probably explains that last comment. Sorry.

So I slept all day yesterday and now I can't sleep anymore.

It's 2 AM, I have to take care of my kids tomorrow. I better give sleep one more try.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

One begins

Growing up, I had a sister. She was just over a year older than me, and we were always together. We shared friends, we walked to school every day together, we rode bikes together, her on her pink huffy with the banana seat and me on a blue dirt bike, and we even shared a room. Which, by the way, neither of us favored. Although, oddly enough, we really missed when we were in high school and moved to a bigger house where we finally had our own rooms. It was like the Brady Bunch though, a bathroom in between, so it was often left open so we could still do our "sister thang".

After I had Lilla, I knew I wanted her to have a sister. I couldn't imagine her growing up without that special connection that sisters have. I have had many a friend without a sister and they have often tried to build that same bond with my sister and I, but unfortunately, it's not the same. Then, I've had other friends with a sister, which they are unable to get along with or forge any type of relationship with. I think that is just plain sad. It's like God has given them a friend for life, and it's never materialized.

Anyway, I really hoped Lilla would have that bond and friendship that is so rare in this life with a sister. When I found out Anna was a girl, I was really so happy for both of them. I love that they are going to get the experience of someone with them their whole life through. Shared experience, shared homes, shared lives.

So, all that to say, this picture I took the other day, just makes my heart go pitter patter. I love the hug, the expression and the closeness of the two, wearing the same shirt, where you can't tell where one begins and the other ends. Just beautiful.

Monday, September 13, 2010


Lilla told me today she wants to be an entomologist

As in, the study of bugs

She said she wants to hold them, study them and then teach others about them

I told her to reach for her dreams

And, I have a feeling she will!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Everything changes

Ten years ago I had just recently graduated from college and was working as a social worker in a low income preschool, my first "real job" so to speak. I wasn't married and I was sharing an apartment with my older sister, Erika, in Indianapolis.

We felt pretty safe back then, we were young girls, living in an up and coming city. Lots to see and do, we enjoyed the nightlife, and all the craziness that came with it. I also travelled a lot at that time. My friends and I thought nothing of getting in the car and driving to Chicago, New York, Tennessee, and even California. The world was our playground.

Then, a day came that changed everything for all of us. September 11, 2001, I had only worked a few hours that morning and entered my apartment to my phone ringing. I said, "Hello" and my heard my friend, Travis' voice on the other end of the line saying, "What are you doing? TURN ON YOUR TV!!!" I was a little thrown off, but just flipped it on anyway. Almost immediately after turning on the tv, the towers began to crumble.

I had just recently been to New York and the image of my friend and I at the statue of Liberty with the towers in the background flashed in my head. I just couldn't believe it, questions came, Travis, of course, had no answers, we just sat on the phone saying, "How? What? Why?" over and over again.

My sister came home and we sat up all night, watching the news, people crying, facts being found out, reports of survivors, praying for just never seemed to end. We were driving under a bridge in Indy when we saw a man waving a huge flag back and forth, back and forth...we will never know who he was, but we felt one with him.

We knew things began to change in those days. And, as those days turned into weeks and then months and now, 9 years, things most certainly have changed. We are always alert, no longer a sense of complete comfort, more reserved with ourselves and amongst strangers, wishing for the luxury of a sense of security. Never fully finding it.

Yes, everything changed that day.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Me and My Shadow

Me and my shadow

Strolling down the avenue

Oh, me and my shadow

Not a soul could bust this team in two

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Yesterday, Today

Yesterday I brought you home from the hospital.

Today you started kindergarten.

Yesterday my body supplied all the nourishment you needed.

Today you shared goldfish with the other kids.

Yesterday you felt so light, placed right in my arms.

Today you pulled my arms so tight, I thought I might fall over.

Yesterday I cried as I looked at you for the first time.

Today I cried just letting you go.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Wordless Wednesday

My one year old's reaction to my 4 year old's get up = priceless!

10 Smile Tuesdays

So busy this last many smiles! Here are but a few.

1. My in-laws 50th Anniversary celebration. 50 years, wow!!
2. Girls night with my girlfriends. I'm a total dork and was freezing in Starbucks so my friend, Bobbie, was kind enough to retrieve her sons Lightning McQueen snuggie from the car. Love it!

3. Lilla's sunflower garden finally came up. Yay! We planted them quite late so they are tiny but I was so glad to see their shiney happy faces anyway. They made Lilla quite happy too.
4. The start of jean season.
5. A family photo shoot I did for my friend. :)
6. Anna picking up a fur stole and insisting on wearing it all day at my mom's house.
7. Lilla thinking she was hilarious wearing this mask. Eek! Anna was not a fan, clearly.
8. Lilla and Michael camped out in my parent's backyard per Lilla's request.
9. My parent's bought a golf cart to tool around in. Lilla loved, loved, loved it!
10. Setting up for my in-laws anniversary party, I got this picture of my husband with some of his brothers and nephews. It's a big family!
And a couple extras...

11. Anna doing the YMCA at the reception.
12. Going for a walk on our trail.
13. My brother in law reading books to the girls before the reception.

And last but not least, Michael took Lilla fishing for the first time this week too. She caught four fish and had a great time doing it!

What are you smiling about this week?

Monday, September 06, 2010


Because I thought you needed a good laugh today, I had to post this picture of my 20 month old daughter, Anna, doing the YMCA yesterday at my in-laws 50th anniversary celebration.

This kid is in a category all her own! And, I like it that way. :)

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

I want to remember

Years from now, when I am old, my house is empty and ever so quiet, I want to remember...

...the sound of Anna's voice in the early morning, calling from her room, "Mama, Mama, Mama!"

...the clip, clap of Lilla's bare feet as she runs into my room to "get me up"

...the smiles and laughter I get from Anna as she reaches for me from her crib

...the little arms reaching around my neck to hold me ever so tightly

...the warm feeling when I wrap up the girls from baths into their hooded towels and hug/dry them down on my lap

...the way Lilla makes up songs about everything and anything, just to stay up one more minute

...wet baby slobber kisses on the mouth from Anna

...Lilla's uproariously, uncontrollable, contagious laughter

...Anna saying "cheese" as she cheeses it up for the camera

...Lilla, so proud that she can dial the phone and call Daddy by herself

...Anna dressing up in anything immobile, including my socks and the futon cover today

...the smell of fresh bathed babies, with cool skin and crazy hair

...the feeling of Lilla's little hand in mine, letting me lead her just about anywhere

...earnest, faithful bedtime prayers from a 4 year old desiring her family's salvation

...Anna running so hard the top of her body can't keep up with the bottom husband telling Lilla "Michael and Lilla" bedtime stories every night

...the excitement that a bottle of silly string can provide at a birthday party

...bubble beards at bathtime

...Anna's raised hands, twirling dance anytime she hears a beat

...every precious moment.