Wednesday, March 19, 2008

You say it's your birthday...

Yep, it's my birthday. Oh my gosh people, how did 33 sneak up on me so fast? It seems like yesterday that I was celebrating 16, now I'm over twice that age. WHAT??? Over twice the age of a 16 year old? Man, it goes by so fast. Too fast I tell you.

For some reason this birthday has hit me harder than any birthday has in the past. I think it's because I feel like time is slipping away to have another baby and it just hasn't happened for us. It's been really hard on me lately as everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant and having babies. Yesterday my best friend told me she's pregnant. She was resistant to tell me because she knows I want another child and it's hard for me. It was so sweet of her, but I want her to know that I will share in her joy. After all, that's what the bible tells us to do, and she's my friend. I am genuinely happy for her.

I've been thinking a lot about this being sad thing lately. I do it way too much with the why me thing. Just like my ring. Why me? Well, why not me? In fact, if I got what I really deserved, it would be death. I have so many things to be grateful for in my life, and I want to be faithful in telling God thank you for them.

Here is my list of 33, one for every year of my life:
1. Salvation
2. Life
3. My husband
4. My daughter
5. My home
6. My church
7. Freedom of Religion
8. Living in the United States
9. Freedom of Speech
10. Employment for my husband
11. God's provision to pay our bills every month
12. My sister
13. My mom
14. The rest of my family
15. My husband's family
16. My best friend, Carrie
17. The ability to read
18. Chocolate, I know, I know...but I really do love it!!
19. Hot showers
20. My blog friends for being so supportive
21. MOPS
22. Music
23. My car, I'm totally serious, I love transportation!!
24. The opportunities I've had to do missions
25. The opportunities I've had to travel and see more of the world
26. Myspace, totally lame but it has connected me with many old friends
27. The military, who really sacrifice a lot for us (and are not paid accordingly at all!!)
28. My pastor, who seriously brings the Word every Sunday
29. My former pastor for teaching me so much!
30. Bible Study Fellowship
31. My dogs, who drive me insane but I love them!!
32. My pictures, they provide me with some really warm memories
33. My camera, with which I've been able to capture the life of my little one!!

What are you grateful for today?


Amanda said...

amy...thanks for sharing so honestly. my heart grieves with you that you haven't been able to have another babe at this point. sometimes it is so darned hard to accept God's plan for particular seasons in our trust in the TRUTH that they are good. thanks you for sharing...and for sharing your 33 little thankfuls. happy birthday!

meg said...

Happy, Happy Birthday! While it is sometimes hard to believe, this is when life gets better- really!
I'm so sorry about your rings- don't give up hope, but just think... it could be time for an upgrade :-)
I am on my third anniversary ring (5, 10, & 15 years), having *ahem* outgrown my original band (didn't do the engagement ring- not only not in the budget at the time, just not practical with little ones) but Chris felt they weren't "offical". We renewed our vows 4 yrs ago & he "re-ringed" me with the lastest band during they ceremony :-) (Who says men aren't romantic?)

Crazy Daisy said...

happy birthday!

SaraLynn said...

You always leave me thinking! lol...Seriously, I enjoy your blog and you do write posts that make me THINK. I am grateful for my hubby, my children, my home, and soap. Yup, soap. what would my days be like without it?
2 kids + 1 neice + no soap= big trouble. ;)
Everything happens for a reason. That said I will be thinking and praying for you. God is in control and he does want the best for you.
I hope that sounds sincere and not annoyingly corny! (is 'annoyingly' a word?)
Anyhoo, sorry for the long post!

Elizabeth said...

Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday Dear Amy...
Happy Birthday to You :)

I've been on both sides of the coin, yours and your best friends. After having a miscarriage, then losing my daughter Grace I almost had a breakdown and every time I saw a pregnant woman I would cry, every baby shower, every woman announcing pregnancy at my church would bring on the tears because I grieved my daughter and wanted a baby of my own to hold and raise. We never used birth control so it was difficult month after month to find out I wasn't pregnant again.
Over a yr after Graces' death I became pregnant again and didn't breathe a sigh of relief till he was born and crying. After Samuel we lost 2 more, and then God brought Cassandra into our lives and I truly believed that she was God's answer that he wouldn't give us anymore biological children, but gave us a most precious daughter to raise and be our own; his personal gift to us. So we had our beautiful young daughter and son (not to mention my beautiful older daughter and older son of course, but our relationship is a bit different since I came in late in the game in a sense) and our life felt complete.

It was a total shock to find out I was pregnant when Cassandra was only a few months old and her adoption wasn't even finalized yet! I definately wasn't ready for that one :) But God does have a sense of humor. I DREADED telling my sister and sister in law and waited quite a while to spill the beans about my pregnancy. You see, both of them had been wanting to have a baby in the worst way, my sister has 2 of her own, my sister in law none yet, and has some physical stuff going on that isn't conducive to conceiving. It was heartbreaking for me to tell both of them, here I had a newborn daughter, and was pregnant with another.. I didn't want to hurt either one of them and so it was hard but inevitable.

I tell you these things, just to show you that I've waited for God's timing over and over again, and in the long run he has blessed me in Abundance but it hasn't always been easy! My very first dr appt with my expected little one (which was quite late in the game because I wanted to give my body time to miscarry if it was going to, instead of before where I would go to a dr appt and then the next one the baby would be gone) was amazing because I could actually see a little heart beating instead of just floating along. I hope this doesn't make you sad- I just wanted to share with you some of the deep things in my heart as you have shared in this post.

I will pray for you, and in the meantime, relish and enjoy every single moment with Peanut- She is God's special gift to you all wrapped up in a beautiful little bow :) Keep on having Faith, Keep on Trusting, and just Keep On :)

Sending you a hug straight from NY!!!

Anonymous said...

For one, I am happy to know you, Amy. There is so much. Mostly, for His resurrection power.

A belated happy bd to you.

Easter blessings,gail

tami and todd said...

Well, happy birthday (even though I'm a little late)! I love your thirty three things your grateful for list. What does MOPS stand for?