So yeppers, I'm preggo! Our due date is December 28th.
I know that most people wait until they are 12 weeks to announce it, but please, I've never been good at keeping secrets and this is so huge for us! I feel like I share so much of my life with all of you in my bloggy world, why not this too? I wanted to say thank you to you all too, as I know so many of you prayed for me when I shared with you back in March what a hard time I had turning 33 as I hadn't gotten pregnant again, that I only felt it fitting to say thank you and allow you to celebrate and share in our great joy!
Psalm 127:3 says, "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward." As I saw so many people around me getting pregnant I kept asking, "God, why don't you want me to have this blessing again?" I felt hurt and disappointed for so long. I mean, I want you all to know, I am so very thankful for my daughter, so please don't think otherwise. I am more than in love with that child. However, I longed to carry another child and experience the blessing again. I wanted to have a baby at my breast again, I wanted to feel the movement of a little someone in my belly and I desired for the peanut to have a sibling to share her life with. So, to see so many others being able to have children and it just not happening for us, I was jealous. I would be smiling on the outside but getting in my car and crying out to God on my way home. I was covetous and wanted what they had!!!
I didn't want to celebrate with them, I wanted them to hurt with me. Then, I began praying to God to give me joy for these women around me who wanted babies too and to celebrate with them instead of crying inside. I prayed for my heart to change, and it did. My jealousy did turn into joy. I was able to be honestly happy for them and want the best for them and their children. Then, funny thing, God opened up my womb again.
Coincidence? I honestly don't believe it is. In Romans 8:28, it says, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." and I believe that. I believe I needed to get through my own issues with jealousy an unkindness in my heart before God could move me forward.
I'm not saying this is why any woman who is struggling with infertility, this is the reasoning, but I can't help but believe that God has a plan and purpose for me, for my family and for this child for which we have prayed. And, I will never be the same again!