I could complain

Today as I wandered around my vegetable garden I noticed that my zucchini stems were starting to rot, the green beans were extremely scarce and the tomatoes weren't growing. I started complaining in my heart about how I really wanted the vegetables to fill my freezer and save us money this winter. Then I was reminded of all the zucchini, green beans and green peppers I had just this morning vacuum sealed and tucked away for just such an occasion, and this occurred to me.

I could complain about my garden not producing like I'd like,

Or I could be grateful that it's produced at all.

I could complain about the heat index in July,

Or I could be grateful for my air conditioned escape.

I could complain about my 5 year old's second ear infection this summer,

Or I could be grateful we live in 2011 where there are medicines and she can keep her hearing.

I could complain about my husband's new shift,

Or I could be grateful he has a job.

I could complain that my grass is all brown,

Or I could be grateful I have a yard.

I could complain that we have no money in the bank,

Or I could be grateful for ways God has provided.

I could complain that my house is a mess after I cleaned it yesterday,

Or I could be grateful that God has given me two little mess makers.

I could complain that my body does not want to let go of fat cells,

Or I could be grateful that I have food in my fridge and dinner on the table.

I could complain that I'm tired all the time,

Or I could be grateful God has given me a life to experience and the capability to experience.

I could complain about the amount of laundry there is to do,

Or I could be grateful that God has blessed us with plenty.

I've learned, it's all a matter of perspective.

What about you, are you complaining or grateful today?

1 Thessalonians 5:18 No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

Marked

Years ago, when I was in grad school, I got the brilliant idea* to have someone take an itty bitty needle to my back and draw on it. No amount of Irish Spring is taking that purple and pink away.

Clearly, I am an adult with two pregnancies under my belt now and my lower back is covered for the most part. I'm always saying, "No one wants to see none of that mess." Which, is probably pretty close to being accurate. But, I digress...

The other day I was leaning over to pick the fruit loops off the floor when Lilla and I had a conversation that went something like this:

Lilla: Mom, why is that butterfly on your back?

Me: Because I was a moron that thought it would be a good idea. It wasn't.

Lilla: Why not?

Me: Because it is permanent. I can't ever get rid of it. Once it's there, it's there. I wish I had not done that.

Lilla: Even when you die?

Me: Yep, even when I die. It will never go away.

Lilla: Well, maybe when you die it will go away.

Me: Nope, it is going to be there even when I die. It's forever.

Lilla: Well, maybe not. We are going to get new bodies when we get to heaven and maybe your tattoo won't be there then.

To which, of course, my breath was taken away. You see, if we are in Christ, she's right, someday we will have new bodies. All the imperfections and mistakes will be taken away. No more tears or hurts or spur of the moment grad school tattoos.

For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body, according to the working by which He is able even to subdue all things to Himself.

Phillipians 3:20-21

Thank you Lord, for giving me this lovely child to remind me of your mercy and the promise of heaven!

*Just to clarify, I'm not saying all tattoos are moronic. Mine was not well thought out. At all. For something so lasting, not so bright.

Save the Giraffes

Every other week, when we have communion at church, I retrieve Lilla from her class and take her into the service. On the walk back we begin to discuss why communion is important, why we take it so often, what the significance is in the memory and why it is important to be calm and quiet so others can repent, pray and have time with God too.

Last week, as we joined the line moving toward the altar, our conversation went something like this:

Me: Do you remember why we take communion?

Lilla: To remember Jesus died.

Me: Why did he die?

Lilla: To save us.

Me: And what does that mean for us?

Lilla: That we won't have to kill anymore giraffes.

Me: That we won't have to kill anymore giraffes?

Lilla: Yes, because Jesus died so no more animals would have to die. We don't have to kill the giraffes anymore.

It took me a second to take it in, but as I did, I knew she was right, in her understanding. When Jesus died, it took away our need to have to sacrifice another animal, no more lambs or goats or doves would need to have shed blood to cover our sins.

"Jesus paid it all, all to him I owe, sin had left a crimson stain, he washed me white as snow."

As I knelt at the altar, tears filled my eyes as I thought "Thank God for the blood of Jesus Christ!" Because of it, the world will never be the same. And, I know Lilla and I and all the giraffes of the world are thankful for it today!

Formed

For Valentine's Day we gave Anna a 10 set of Play-dough. I know, not very exciting, but it's her latest favorite thing to do so we went with it.

She loves to bring the little yellow containers to me and have me open them one by one and make them into balls. She shouts out "ball!" as soon as I open my cupped hands.

Something I love about this experience is the new play-dough. Completely untarnished, still very soft and moldable, no stray dog hairs or mixed up colors, not stiffened by a top left undone, the only indentations are at the top and bottom where it had obviously once been a long strand and was cut to fit into said yellow container.

As we were going through this routine once again today, I started thinking about my girls and how their lives were like that play-dough. How fresh and how moldable and soft they were. How they had still been kept mostly untainted from the world. I considered what my hopes were for the impressions that would be left in their lives and how I could myself mold and shape these young beings. It is, in fact, a bit overwhelming to think of such a charge.

But then, I remembered a verse in Isaiah 64 "Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." And, I am brought to my knees again as God reminds me that although he has given me a great and important job with my girls, he is ultimately who is forming them. He is the potter, He knows the plans He has for them, He formed them in my womb, I am really just a vessel too.

I am ever so grateful He has chosen me and holds my hands and guides me as He continues to shape me...and my girls!

Here

Tonight as I was getting Lilla out of the bath I heard a "ting, ting, ting", I looked down and to my horror was one of those brand new pink and white sparklers from her ears. A normal person would just say, "Huh..", pick them up and put them back in, but remember, they are literally, one week old today. What does that mean? Not only are the holes new, those earrings are pointy. Like little bitty daggers, sharp enough to easily shoot a teeny, tiny hole through an unsuspecting person's ear. Eeek!

So, not wanting to rattle Lilla, I picked it up and tried, very unsuccessfully, to put that baby back in. I tried through the front, I tried through the back, I tried wiggling it in, I tried shoving it through, I tried any way of manipulating that stubborn thing that I could think of.

Nothing worked. Lilla was crying in pain, begging me to stop. Under normal circumstances, I would have, unfortunately, these circumstances are not normal.

First of all, I paid an ungodly amount of money to get these earrings in last week. I had no idea of that amount until it was all said and done and the lady told me the price. I had a mini stroke. If my husband had been home and realized that might be the only way, he may have said she's going one earring until her next birthday. The other thing, is I live in the country, I had to drive 45 minutes to get this done, I didn't want to go back. Selfish, yes, but I'm just keeping it real people.

For 10 minutes this went on until Lilla had just had enough and practically sprinted from the bathroom. I grabbed her little duck towel covered body, hugged her tight and asked her if we could pray about it. She said she would like that. We bowed our heads, prayed a simple, "Please help us do this Jesus." and went at it one last time.

The earring immediately went through.

Lilla looked at me and said, "See, Jesus can do anything."

ANYTHING.

James 5:13 "Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise."

Whatever

As the days draw closer to my peanut turning 5, she is getting more questions concerning what she would like for her 5th birthday. I started giving the old stand-bys, Barbies, doll clothes, books, movies...the normal response you'd get.

After one of these calls for ideas though I decided to ask Lilla what she might want. Yes, novel idea you know!

I must admit, her response surprised me, "Whatever Grandma and Grandpa get me will be just fine."

I actually had to take a moment to process. Whatever they get me. WHATEVER they get me.

No demanding. No long list. No toys r' us catalog filled with circles and X's.

My heart just melted as I realized what a heart of gratefulness looked like.

Isn't that what we all want from our children, our acquaintances and ultimately ourselves? I do. And I'm so grateful for a (very) soon to be 5 year old reminding me what it looks like.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Ticketed

A little over a week ago we headed down to Tennessee for the second time in just over a few months. Unfortunately, not to enjoy the state we have grown to love, but again for my, in very ill health, father. His wife had mentioned some symptoms that were very concerning to us so we made some reservations, took the dog to my in-laws, packed up the car and drove the, what normally is 6 hours, but when you have kids, much longer, journey to get there.

We got there Saturday evening and dad kept insisting he was fine and wanted at least one day to enjoy the kids. So, we told him we'd be back in the morning and, after church, to the hospital we would go. Saturday night brought many problems so church was skipped and off to the hospital, after much prodding, we went.

Once we got there we were shocked to find out just how sick dad was. His kidneys had shut down, his potassium through the roof and his heart slowed to a very dangerous rate. The doctor informed us he had been just hours away from dieing, had we not brought him in.

At that time we extended our reservations and did all that we could, picking up things from the house, talking to the doctor, making sure things were taken care of that needed to be. We were honestly happy that we were able to do something, but of course had to go back eventually as work beckons and money runs out.

Dad is now back at home, and he is feeling the slightest bit better, by the way.

But, I digress, yesterday I picked up a mail to find a note from a small town we had been in in TN. It was a ticket. Somehow I had kind of rolled through a turn on a red light, which now I know is illegal, and they had caught it on film.

When I first opened it, I was so mad. I just couldn't believe how God would be punishing me when I had gone down there to do good. Was God real? Didn't He love me enough to not have something like that happen? I was so angry and upset. I even kept imagining ways to get out of it. Playing scenarios in my mind.

Immediately following this outburst I had started reading the Biblical counseling book we are assigned to for class. As I'm reading about restoring people to God's will and God's work, I started thinking about this situation.

I suddenly realized how foolish I had been. First of all, I broke the law. So, I got a ticket. But like any sin, we want to push blame on others, not take responsibility and do what we can, sometimes to the point of killing, to hide it. How could I even suggest that God did not love me because he allowed me to get a ticket for breaking a law? That is honestly, blasphemy against a God I say I love.

So, the check is in the mail. And, more importantly, this lesson is in my heart. Thank you Lord, for loving me enough to teach it to me.

Some people

We allow our 4 year old, Lilla, to take communion. This practice has gotten us some questioning glances and we've had to ask the servers to lower the bread and cup so her petite frame could reach them. I'm pretty sure there are some people that judge me for it and think there is no way she could be able to know what is going on and I shouldn't force it on her.

I don't, force it on her, by the way. I always go to her classroom on communion days and ask her if she'd like to join us. If she doesn't, and she has refused in the past, that is ok. Although, of course we would prefer her to as remembering the sacrifice is so crucial to our lives as Christians.

We also take communion very seriously in our family. We truly believe you need to go with a contrite heart and a humble spirit.

So today, while we were standing in line waiting for a turn to kneel at the altar, and Lilla was starting to get ants in her pants, I questioned wether she should be there today. Then she did something that left my mouth open.

We knelt at the altar and she said she wanted to pray. I told her ok, and it went something like this: God, thank you for dying for our sins. If we did anything wrong Lord, please forgive us. Amen.

Every question be stilled.

6 Year old Mercies

Call it fun-sized or vertically challenged or petite, at 5'1 (and a half, that half is very important when you are 5'1!), I have always been the smallest one in any group. Not only was I always, and I'm not using always lightly here, the smallest, I was always the slowest too. The term, "Wait up!", was probably the most overused in my small childhood vocabulary. You can imagine this made for a great time in gym class, particularly when teams were being chosen. Yep, ALWAYS, the last one chosen. Always.

(Just to give you a point of reference, this pic was taken at MOPS a couple years

ago. I'm the one in the black dress down front. It was a few days before I gave

birth to Anna, so don't judge too hard on how I puffy I look! :)

All that to say, I now have a 4 year old in the same predicament. She is nearing 5 and her cousin, who just turned 3, has passed her in height. Yep, pint sized peanut sure seems to sum it up here. She is also the slowest. She took soccer this past summer and the younger kids were just flying by her as she struggled to juggle the ball down the field.

Halloween this year was much of the same. She just couldn't keep up with the kids running from house to house. She went with a large group and when they went to the door and were crowded around it, she was usually right in the middle of the kids and they all were reaching over her head and around her to get candy. She was often the last one getting it and, even when she wasn't, the last one off the stoop and down the walkway.

(Lilla is the one running down the driveway,

the other kids already on the sidewalk,

running to their next stop)

I could see her getting more and more frustrated and doing the old familiar, "Wait up everybody!" When it comes to buckets of free candy though, as anyone with kids knows, it's every man for himself. So, she tried to rush more and she began getting worn down and tripping. Tears starting flowing, it wasn't pretty. My heart ached for that of my own childhood, left out and alone. I just so get those feelings.

Suddenly though, the mercy of a 6 year old was given to her. One little girl said, "I'll walk with Lilla." It was one of the loveliest things I've ever seen a child do and I'm just overwhelmed with a sense of humility and gratefulness to her for it. She knew she was giving up running with the other kids, giving up getting as much candy, sacrificing her own desires for that of a friend.

I can't help but think of what the Bible says in John 15:13 says, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." It may seem like, come on now, it's just candy, it's not really laying down your life, no, it's not physical dying, but it is dying to self. This sweet 6 year old gave up her own desires, to show a friend love and compassion.

Mercy, plain and simple. And I will always be grateful to the compassion and generousity of a 6 year old for teaching it to me, and to Lilla.

Oh...and just because Anna was so cute, I gotta give you a peek...baaaaaa....

The Fingerprints of God

In my own front yard.

Fear Not

Yesterday, as we were preparing dinner on the grill, Lilla brought her beach Barbies out to play on the deck. The Barbie pool had come with a little itty bitty bottle of sunblock, which, of course, was dropped and fell between the slats in the deck.

Lilla was so upset and wanted that little bottle so badly. Unfortunately, there is only about 6 inches between the deck and the slab of cement beneath it. No adult could possibly get under there. Also, my landscaping is way overgrown, and woah, am I not prepared to find out what might be living in there!

So, although there was crying and nashing of teeth, I had to tell Lilla we just couldn't get it. She kept begging and saying, "Why not?" I finally said, "Listen, mommy is scared to go anywhere near the edges of the deck, I don't know what I'll find!"

In her sweet little Lilla way, she said, "But Mom, we have Jesus, and when you have Jesus, you have nothing to fear. Right?"

And just like that, I am speechless again.

Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

The journey begins

There were crafts.

There were friends.

There was praise.

There were snacks.

There was teaching.

There were games.

There was water.

There were big fuzzy guys.

There was drama.

There was dancing.

And there was another year of VBS.

Good Mommy/Bad Mommy

The other day Lilla was reciting a list to me of all the things she wanted to be when she grows up. It went something like this, "A ballerina, a doctor, someone who tells people about God, a rockstar (because, you know, she totally knows what THAT means) and a mommy."

This is what ensued next:

I asked, "You want to be a mommy?"

Lilla, "I do. I want to be a mommy when I grow up."

Me, "Why do you want to be a mommy?"

Lilla, "Because you are a mommy."

Me, "Oh, do you think I am a good mommy?"

Lilla, "Sometimes. Sometimes you are a bad mommy."

Me, (crushed, mind you), "Why am I a bad mommy?"

Lilla, pausing, "Weeeeeelllll...sometimes you yell at me."

And with that, she went back to her play kitchen and started cooking up something for me.

I, of course, had the wind knocked out of me. How much more in perspective could life be than when your four year old tells you you are a bad mommy when you yell at her?

I grew up with a mom who yelled at me. ALL.THE.TIME. It was the main method of communication in our home. Or miscommunication, if you want to get all technical. Lots of fun memories with that, as you can imagine. Now, I want to follow that up with saying, I love my mom, I think she did the best with what she could. She has many stressors and never learned to parent well. But, I also believe she would even tell you this. She was a yeller. It was a coping mechanism, I suppose.

Growing up I swore I would not do that, and I will admit it is not nearly the extent of my own formative years. However, my heart hurts to think this is the way my own daughter thinks of me. I want her to look back with fond memories of cuddles and laughs and songs, not fear or anger or tears. It breaks me that she sees me as harsh.

So, after asking my sweet baby for forgiveness, I am on my knees. That is all I can do. Beg a Saviour who sees and knows, who created me to be mommy to Lilla and Anna, who loves them and loves me. And He...He is capable of change.

^{Lamentations: 22}It is because of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions never fail. ²³They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

A boost

My youngest daughter, Anna, is now 16 months old. She is very mobile and one of her favorite things to do is climb the stairs. She races over to them as fast as possible and then flies up them in a flash. Of course we are still concerned she will fall, so we try hard to have someone behind her as she goes up. We want her to learn how to climb stairs, so in case we aren’t there and she finds her way up someday, she will be able to do it safely. However, we also want to protect her from falling down.

Our four year old, Lilla, is particularly vigilant about staying with Anna on the stairs. She hovers over her as she slowly makes her way to the top. She is only slow at these times because Lilla is so close to her that she is practically holding Anna’s body down, just giving her enough room to get to the next step. Sometimes Anna tires along the way and you can see Lilla giving her a bit of boost on the bottom to make sure she makes it. Lovingly, Lilla painstakingly follows behind Anna to make sure that “my baby” (as she refers to her) makes it to the top ok.

As I watch this interaction, I can’t help but think how God sees his “babies” (us). He wants so much for us to reach the top of the stairs, the mountaintops in our lives, to fully receive all that He has for us. There are dangers, we sometimes miss a step, or slip down a stair or two, but God is always there protecting us and giving us a little push when we may need it. And don’t we all need it sometimes?

In Jeremiah 29:11, God said, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future.” I believe that is still true for us today. God has a plan for each of us, and each step in our lives is all a part of it.

I hope you feel His boost today.

A true blessing

Yesterday, on my way into Wal-Mart, I was carrying Anna in one arm and pulling Lilla through the parking lot with the other, my big old purse dangling all the while. A kind gentleman walking beside me hurried in front of me to open the door.



He then said, "Wow, you've got quite the load there!"

I replied, "I sure DO!"

He shot back, "It's not a bad thing though."

Thoughtfully I said, "No, it's a blessing."

I could hear he and his companion behind me making Awe noises, to which I smiled. We then went our separate ways.

But as I placed the girls in their seats and started walking the massive aisles, the girls started arguing about this, whimpering about that and, of course, I became frustrated. My blood pressure is rising as I'm trying to cajole them into behaving, which, of course, is not working, which is making me even more upset. (Shhhh...don't tell anyone but the only thing that works for us is Pringles. Another story altogether!)

Anyway, as I was rushing through the store, my voice raising and with my two little ones in tow, I suddenly remembered that simple exchange with the man at the door. These babies are blessings I said, but was I really treating them that way? Was I loving them with all my heart? Was I showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control with these gifts I had been given?

No, I sure wasn't. I was thinking selfishly of what I needed to get done, my own agenda, my own wants. I think back to the verse, "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3

I'm going to be asking the Lord to write that verse on my heart and never let me forget what my babies are.

Nothing short of a blessing.


And so, my prayer today is, Thank you Lord for these blessings you have put in my life. Please help me not to take them for granted. Help me to love as you love, to show kindness, gentleness, peace, patience and self control, just as you would want me to. Thank you for loving me and showing me how to love others. Help me to love well. Amen.

Weeding

I love to garden. I love the fresh fruit and vegetables, the smell of the growing plants and I even enjoy pulling the weeds out. There is something healing about working your hands in the dirt and in the end having a bounty of food to enjoy the whole winter through. We still have mounds of peppers in our freezer just waiting for us to enjoy!

Last year we started out with seeds, most of which were not successful, so we wound up spending a fortune in plants. Of course that small fortune saved us money in the long run, but still, it was a bit pricey all at once. So, this year we decided to grow our own in one of those Jiffy professional greenhouse kits. Really, it's just a plastic box with a plastic lid and a ton of dirt pellets inside, but it seriously works good! We couldn't believe when we planted a seed and a week later, this is what we saw...
Amazing!

So how this works is that you plant several seeds in each pod and they just begin to grow. When they are big enough you widdle them down so there is only one plant in each pod. Clearly so they don't kill each other trying to get the nutrients and water they need.

Well, it did not take long before we had to start weeding out the weakest links. Problem was, it was hard to tell the weakest from the strongest, they all looked the same! It was so hard for me to choose and difficult to say who gets to stay and who gets forever removed.
As I began doing the work of separation I started pondering how God does this in my life. Only, instead of the shared soil of greenhouse pods, it's the shared soil of life. So many people and things that stand next to me look and seem healthy, they seem to be growing right along side of me, happily going about life together, and suddenly they are pulled right out. How sad it is as a shared life is suddenly removed and abruptly everything is different. So many people who I walked with in ministry and life, that I believed truly healthy, were not healthy at all. So surprising to me. But, of course, God is never surprised. Never has an A-HA moment.

So, I return to God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." As I look out over the soil of my life, I see how much healthier I am because certain things were removed, how much stronger I am because I was allowed to gain water and nutrients I wouldn't have if others were taking from the same pod, and how grateful I am to be standing so much stronger as a result of God's pruning and development in my life.
And so, my prayer today is: Lord, thank you for being so loving to me to care enough to weed out the bad things. Help me to be willing to let things go, to be obedient to your lead and to only bask in the light of your presence, as you are all I need today.

First

For as long as Lilla can remember I have been quoting the verse, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility consider others better than yourself." (Phil 2:3) Even before she could walk, I have tried to press it into her that when we think of others before ourselves, we are choosing the Godly path. Even more recently I've been quoting the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." (Luke 6:31)

So, it was no surprise the other night at the dinner table when I pulled some bacon off of my burger and handed it to her, she said, "Thank you mommy. You were thinking of me before yourself."

Of course it was a bit of a proud moment as I thought, "Wow, she is really 'getting' it!" And, maybe a bit of a pat on the back as I thought, "Yeah, I sure was."

But then, as I thought it over, I was almost embaressed at all the times I don't think of others before myself. I gobble up all the Samoa cookies before anyone else can get them, I complain that my husband left the lights on so I have to turn them off, or worse, I don't talk to others about Christ because it is inconvenient or time consuming.

Then I thought about how Lilla sees this too. How she sees me get frustrated over teaching her to ride a bicycle, watches as I leave dishes in the sink for days or tell her impatiently that she needs to wait while I finish writing my blog post. In all of those things, does she see me walking the path of sacrifice and real love? No, of course not. I'm not thinking of others before myself at all. And, a little bacon off my burger doesn't make up for all those other "moments".

So, my prayer today is...Lord, thank you for being the most perfect example of thinking of others before yourself for my children and I. You gave us your everything when you gave us Calvary Love. Help me to show Calvary Love today too.

Leaving

The other day after MOPS, I was going to meet some friends for lunch and I hopped on the interstate without thinking. I had known that morning I was seriously low on gas, but I was rushing and on the phone (I know, safety hazard) and honestly forgot all about it. While getting off the ramp on to the interstate I looked down to see the arrow on the dreaded E. I must say, I had a small anxiety attack right then and there.

I started picturing myself stranded on 70 and wondered what would happen in the freezing temperatures to my children and I. My cell phone was beeping, as per it's usual dead self, my husband had just taken Vicodin for his back issues and my bestie was sick so I knew I wouldn't bother her. I started praying and watching the tank and before I knew it we had gotten to the next exit 10 minutes away. Whew!

Well, I forgot about this incident until several days later when I was approaching E again. My husband was in the car this time so I started relaying the story to him. Lilla, my four year old, was in the backseat listening and started asking questions, the conversation went something like this:

Lilla: What happened?

Me: Mommy was driving the other day and we almost ran out of gas.

Lilla: But we didn't?

Me: No, we didn't.

Lilla: Why not?

Me: Mommy prayed and God had His hand upon us.

Lilla: God had His hand upon us?

Me: Yes, He had His hand upon us.

Lilla: Does He still have His hand on us?

Me: Yes, He still has His hand upon us, even now.

Lilla: Well...I can't feel it.

Me: No, we can't feel it, but we know He is there.

Lilla: How do we know He is there?

Me: Because in His word He promises us that He will never leave or forsake us.

Lilla: He promised to NEVER leave or forsake us?

Me: Never.

Lilla: Never?

Me: Never.

Lilla: Wow, that's a long time.

It sure is!!

Soap

For nearly three years, our first child, Lilla, was, to say the least, the sun and moon in our lives. It seemed nearly every thing revolved around this child. Since I was a stay at home mom, all my time seemed to be devoted to the care and love of this little girl. My attention was fully hers...and she loved it!

Two years ago, we were trying for our second child. We thought it would be great for Lilla to have a friend, but also wanted her to really realize that she was not first in the world. That she would need to share with others and begin to put others first. When we got pregnant, we knew the transition would be hard, but hadn't quite planned for what would happen next.

Our once sweet child turned into a tantrum throwing, yelling, crying, disrespectful one. We were shocked at the way she was suddenly behaving. At first we coddled her, knowing she was hurt and upset, but then we started to get mad, which changed to concern for her heart. We obviously couldn't let her be so disrespectful to us as we really believe she will treat all authority, including God, this way.

As we do believe in biblical discipline, we spanked, which did work somewhat for a time. The other night though she just began yelling at my husband because she didn't want to go to bed. I could tell he was losing his patience with her and so I told him we need to try a different approach. We decided to deal with her mouth as that was where the problems were stemming and so he put the smallest drop of soap on her tongue. She gagged a little and after she was cleaned up she said to him, "Daddy, why did you make me vomit?"

Michael sat her down and said, "Lilla, Daddy didn't make you vomit, YOU chose to be disrespectful, to not honor Daddy or God, to yell at me instead of obey. Daddy had to choose to obey God and discipline you in order to train you that you need to be respectful and obedient to Daddy and to God. You chose to not be loving and Daddy needs to train your heart to make good choices."

She said, "OK." And then she went to bed.

As I listened to this whole situation taking place, I was reminded of my relationship with God. How often He has to discipline me and put soap in my mouth. I do not enjoy the after taste, being disciplined stinks, to say the least. But, I surely continue to disobey, and so God continues to discipline. He does it because He loves me and He wants me to be loving to Him and to others, to make good choices. What a loving God to want to train me to make good choices and to ultimately be more like Him. To take time with Amy, who does not deserve His love or His grace. So grateful for my Saviour today...He loves even me.

Loving

One of Lilla's favorite things to say is, "I love you." A lot of times it's more like, "Iloveyou." As fast as she can say it, it's out of her mouth. She kind of says it with a giggle and waits for your response. The other day she said it to my bestie's daughter after she opened a popsicle for her. She couldn't even help herself as the popsicle was cut..."I love you!!" So excited. So adorable. So Lilla.She often likes to add to her professions of love that she loves certain people. "I love Makie, I love Jenna, I love Grandma..." Then she'll follow that up, "Because you are supposed to love people. God likes it when we love people." And she's right, of course.

Today I went in the bathroom to check on her. She's just sitting there, doing her business, hanging out, apparently thinking theological thoughts...you know, the usual preschooler stuff. Our conversation then went something like this...

Me: Hey, watcha doing?

Lilla: Mom, God loves you.

Me: Yes, he does. Thanks for reminding me.

Lilla: God loves everyone.

Me: Yes, he does.

Lilla: Cause he has to love everyone. He created everyone. He loves everything he created. But...he doesn't love the stuff he didn't create.

Just another day with my peanut!