The Death of Santa

Before Michael and I had children, we always said we wouldn't do the "Santa thing". Didn't want to lie, of course. Then, after we had Lilla, and we began to remember the magic and wonder it created in our lives as children, we decided to do one present a year from Santa. We try not to make it that big of a deal, the books we read and the stories we tell around this time of year have much more to do with the actual Christmas story than the North Pole and flying deer.

Of course, Lilla is a child and children are enamored by the whole idea of this big guy in red who gives presents and slides down people's chimneys to eat all their cookies. Most kids pretty much leave it at that though, I think. Not my Lilla though. With Lilla, things are never quite that easy.

I was cleaning out the storage room yesterday when she wandered in and starting talking about Santa. I think she had been watching Rudolph. So she starts saying things about how nice he is, what kind of things he might bring, how we need to leave cookies, you know, the usual childhood concerns.

Then, out of nowhere she asks, "Does Santa ever die?" This, of course, floored me for a second. I don't like lying to my children, I teach them it's a commandment and it's pretty serious according to Revelation 21:8. So, I took a deep breath and said, "Lilla, is there anyone who never dies?" She thought for a moment and said, "God." I responded, "Right, and is Santa God?" She said, "No." I then asked her if Santa ever sinned. She said that he did and we discussed how our sin is what causes us to die and so Santa would have to die too.

I then talked with her about how Santa is more about showing love and kindness to others. He is just

a guy who likes to give presents to people. And, in the end, that is something we should do too, think of others. Thinking about others before ourselves is in the Christmas spirit and what God wants us to do too. So, it's not about what Santa brings but showing others kindness. We then talked about how truly the greatest Christmas gift was not brought by Santa but by given by God in the form of a baby.

She then went back to playing and what not and I was left there to consider how my own life in this busy Christmas time was revealing this story. And it made me grateful, grateful for a child that challenges me and reminds me what Christmas, and life for that matter, is truly about.

Ah Chooooooo

Today is one of those days. One of those days when everyone in our house is sick. We haven't been all summer, and it has been very nice. Last week was VBS though, and you can bet that the nursery had the germies. Doesn't it always? My friend, who's son now has bronchitis due to this same VBS nursery, was speaking to me today and said, "I'm thinking, Lord, I just served you all week at VBS, shouldn't that at least get me a healthy kid for the week?"

Cute. And you know I'd already thought of that too, but of course it doesn't work that way. We are never promised any special treatment or favors or healthy kids when we are serving.

My old pastor contracted podoconiosis while on a mission trip in Asia. That was some 20 years ago I think, and he still suffers with the side effects today. Corrie ten Boom, a strong Christian woman who saved many Jews, suffered in a prison camp in Germany during the Holocaust, where her sister then died. On July 5, Behnam Sabti, a Christian, died instantly when a bomb exploded under his car in Mosul, Iraq, according to VOM Canada and Asia News. According to local reports, Behnam was killed because of his "religious identity."

Does any of that mean that God loves Corrie or my pastor or Behnam or my own daughter for that matter, any less? No, of course not. Does Jesus death on the cross mean that God loved Jesus any less? No, of course not.

I like how Corrie ten Boom, who I mentioned earlier and whose book, The Hiding Place, you should really read if you have not before, put it, "God does not have problems. Only plans." And her sister? Who died inside the camp? Before she died she is quoted as saying to Corrie, ""There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still."

And those, those are words to live by.

The journey begins

There were crafts.

There were friends.

There was praise.

There were snacks.

There was teaching.

There were games.

There was water.

There were big fuzzy guys.

There was drama.

There was dancing.

And there was another year of VBS.

A true blessing

Yesterday, on my way into Wal-Mart, I was carrying Anna in one arm and pulling Lilla through the parking lot with the other, my big old purse dangling all the while. A kind gentleman walking beside me hurried in front of me to open the door.



He then said, "Wow, you've got quite the load there!"

I replied, "I sure DO!"

He shot back, "It's not a bad thing though."

Thoughtfully I said, "No, it's a blessing."

I could hear he and his companion behind me making Awe noises, to which I smiled. We then went our separate ways.

But as I placed the girls in their seats and started walking the massive aisles, the girls started arguing about this, whimpering about that and, of course, I became frustrated. My blood pressure is rising as I'm trying to cajole them into behaving, which, of course, is not working, which is making me even more upset. (Shhhh...don't tell anyone but the only thing that works for us is Pringles. Another story altogether!)

Anyway, as I was rushing through the store, my voice raising and with my two little ones in tow, I suddenly remembered that simple exchange with the man at the door. These babies are blessings I said, but was I really treating them that way? Was I loving them with all my heart? Was I showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control with these gifts I had been given?

No, I sure wasn't. I was thinking selfishly of what I needed to get done, my own agenda, my own wants. I think back to the verse, "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him." Psalm 127:3

I'm going to be asking the Lord to write that verse on my heart and never let me forget what my babies are.

Nothing short of a blessing.


And so, my prayer today is, Thank you Lord for these blessings you have put in my life. Please help me not to take them for granted. Help me to love as you love, to show kindness, gentleness, peace, patience and self control, just as you would want me to. Thank you for loving me and showing me how to love others. Help me to love well. Amen.

Weeding

I love to garden. I love the fresh fruit and vegetables, the smell of the growing plants and I even enjoy pulling the weeds out. There is something healing about working your hands in the dirt and in the end having a bounty of food to enjoy the whole winter through. We still have mounds of peppers in our freezer just waiting for us to enjoy!

Last year we started out with seeds, most of which were not successful, so we wound up spending a fortune in plants. Of course that small fortune saved us money in the long run, but still, it was a bit pricey all at once. So, this year we decided to grow our own in one of those Jiffy professional greenhouse kits. Really, it's just a plastic box with a plastic lid and a ton of dirt pellets inside, but it seriously works good! We couldn't believe when we planted a seed and a week later, this is what we saw...
Amazing!

So how this works is that you plant several seeds in each pod and they just begin to grow. When they are big enough you widdle them down so there is only one plant in each pod. Clearly so they don't kill each other trying to get the nutrients and water they need.

Well, it did not take long before we had to start weeding out the weakest links. Problem was, it was hard to tell the weakest from the strongest, they all looked the same! It was so hard for me to choose and difficult to say who gets to stay and who gets forever removed.
As I began doing the work of separation I started pondering how God does this in my life. Only, instead of the shared soil of greenhouse pods, it's the shared soil of life. So many people and things that stand next to me look and seem healthy, they seem to be growing right along side of me, happily going about life together, and suddenly they are pulled right out. How sad it is as a shared life is suddenly removed and abruptly everything is different. So many people who I walked with in ministry and life, that I believed truly healthy, were not healthy at all. So surprising to me. But, of course, God is never surprised. Never has an A-HA moment.

So, I return to God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." As I look out over the soil of my life, I see how much healthier I am because certain things were removed, how much stronger I am because I was allowed to gain water and nutrients I wouldn't have if others were taking from the same pod, and how grateful I am to be standing so much stronger as a result of God's pruning and development in my life.
And so, my prayer today is: Lord, thank you for being so loving to me to care enough to weed out the bad things. Help me to be willing to let things go, to be obedient to your lead and to only bask in the light of your presence, as you are all I need today.

First

For as long as Lilla can remember I have been quoting the verse, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility consider others better than yourself." (Phil 2:3) Even before she could walk, I have tried to press it into her that when we think of others before ourselves, we are choosing the Godly path. Even more recently I've been quoting the golden rule, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." (Luke 6:31)

So, it was no surprise the other night at the dinner table when I pulled some bacon off of my burger and handed it to her, she said, "Thank you mommy. You were thinking of me before yourself."

Of course it was a bit of a proud moment as I thought, "Wow, she is really 'getting' it!" And, maybe a bit of a pat on the back as I thought, "Yeah, I sure was."

But then, as I thought it over, I was almost embaressed at all the times I don't think of others before myself. I gobble up all the Samoa cookies before anyone else can get them, I complain that my husband left the lights on so I have to turn them off, or worse, I don't talk to others about Christ because it is inconvenient or time consuming.

Then I thought about how Lilla sees this too. How she sees me get frustrated over teaching her to ride a bicycle, watches as I leave dishes in the sink for days or tell her impatiently that she needs to wait while I finish writing my blog post. In all of those things, does she see me walking the path of sacrifice and real love? No, of course not. I'm not thinking of others before myself at all. And, a little bacon off my burger doesn't make up for all those other "moments".

So, my prayer today is...Lord, thank you for being the most perfect example of thinking of others before yourself for my children and I. You gave us your everything when you gave us Calvary Love. Help me to show Calvary Love today too.

Soap

For nearly three years, our first child, Lilla, was, to say the least, the sun and moon in our lives. It seemed nearly every thing revolved around this child. Since I was a stay at home mom, all my time seemed to be devoted to the care and love of this little girl. My attention was fully hers...and she loved it!

Two years ago, we were trying for our second child. We thought it would be great for Lilla to have a friend, but also wanted her to really realize that she was not first in the world. That she would need to share with others and begin to put others first. When we got pregnant, we knew the transition would be hard, but hadn't quite planned for what would happen next.

Our once sweet child turned into a tantrum throwing, yelling, crying, disrespectful one. We were shocked at the way she was suddenly behaving. At first we coddled her, knowing she was hurt and upset, but then we started to get mad, which changed to concern for her heart. We obviously couldn't let her be so disrespectful to us as we really believe she will treat all authority, including God, this way.

As we do believe in biblical discipline, we spanked, which did work somewhat for a time. The other night though she just began yelling at my husband because she didn't want to go to bed. I could tell he was losing his patience with her and so I told him we need to try a different approach. We decided to deal with her mouth as that was where the problems were stemming and so he put the smallest drop of soap on her tongue. She gagged a little and after she was cleaned up she said to him, "Daddy, why did you make me vomit?"

Michael sat her down and said, "Lilla, Daddy didn't make you vomit, YOU chose to be disrespectful, to not honor Daddy or God, to yell at me instead of obey. Daddy had to choose to obey God and discipline you in order to train you that you need to be respectful and obedient to Daddy and to God. You chose to not be loving and Daddy needs to train your heart to make good choices."

She said, "OK." And then she went to bed.

As I listened to this whole situation taking place, I was reminded of my relationship with God. How often He has to discipline me and put soap in my mouth. I do not enjoy the after taste, being disciplined stinks, to say the least. But, I surely continue to disobey, and so God continues to discipline. He does it because He loves me and He wants me to be loving to Him and to others, to make good choices. What a loving God to want to train me to make good choices and to ultimately be more like Him. To take time with Amy, who does not deserve His love or His grace. So grateful for my Saviour today...He loves even me.

Loving

One of Lilla's favorite things to say is, "I love you." A lot of times it's more like, "Iloveyou." As fast as she can say it, it's out of her mouth. She kind of says it with a giggle and waits for your response. The other day she said it to my bestie's daughter after she opened a popsicle for her. She couldn't even help herself as the popsicle was cut..."I love you!!" So excited. So adorable. So Lilla.She often likes to add to her professions of love that she loves certain people. "I love Makie, I love Jenna, I love Grandma..." Then she'll follow that up, "Because you are supposed to love people. God likes it when we love people." And she's right, of course.

Today I went in the bathroom to check on her. She's just sitting there, doing her business, hanging out, apparently thinking theological thoughts...you know, the usual preschooler stuff. Our conversation then went something like this...

Me: Hey, watcha doing?

Lilla: Mom, God loves you.

Me: Yes, he does. Thanks for reminding me.

Lilla: God loves everyone.

Me: Yes, he does.

Lilla: Cause he has to love everyone. He created everyone. He loves everything he created. But...he doesn't love the stuff he didn't create.

Just another day with my peanut!

Resolving

I don't know what it is about this time of year, but it usually has me contemplative and thoughtful...about the past and future. I suppose it is the thought of new beginnings, old habits, life's blessings over the past year, the trials and hurts that need to be overcome...so much so it can be overwhelming.

I was at church this past Sunday and they asked for any prayer requests you might have to be written on a little form that people could pray over on New Year's. Our church does a several hour praying in the new year where people can stop in at any time, pick up a card and pray for whomever is on that card. I picked up a card for myself and started writing. And writing. And writing a little more. Before I knew it the whole card was full. Is it sad that the entire card was just for my own issues? Apparently I must have A LOT!!

Normally at this time of year I make a resolution to lose some weight (which I still need to do), be kinder (um, yeah!) or stay on a budget (still working on that one), and normally by about January 3rd they are all shot and I go back to my old ways. Old habits definitely die hard.

This year I want to make a little different resolution, if you can even call it that. See, I don't like making promises or resolutions or pledges. I wind up feeling bound and obligated to meet them. I am way too stubborn to do that, get annoyed that I feel bound and give up knowing it won't be accomplished. Like last year my husband thought it would be a good idea to have a competition of who could read the Bible in the shortest time. The Bible. Seriously, the Bible. This is not a sprint, I said to him. So clearly, that did not happen and I gave up nearly instantaneously.

So this year, I want to just say, I want to be Godly. I want to grow closer to Him. I want to know about Him. I want to love Him more. Less me, more Him.

That sounds good to me. :)

It's the Most Wonderful Time

I love Christmastime. There is just something about this time of year that is so fun, and brings me back to being a small child, full of wonder and awe. I love the lights, the baked goods, the flashes of red all about. It honestly just makes me feel all warm inside thinking about the goodness that this season brings.Ultimately though, it really isn't about the parties that we attend, the friends that we see or how much egg nog we can sip at a go. This time of year is truly about the celebration of a King. A King that came down in earthly form as a little baby. In a manger. Probably some donkeys and sheep for bedmates.

I am so thankful for that baby tonight. And, every night.

Merry Christmas to you, my sweet reader! May your days be merry and bright.

Trust

On the way to Awana on Wednesdays we usually try to go over the verse for the week with Lilla. We have her quote it over and over to make sure it is really there.

Last night, this is what we heard the whole way there:


I am in constant prayer that my girls will love Jesus and follow Him all of their days. To hear her quote this brings unspeakable joy. Oh, that it would be set on her heart!

Powerful

Tonight while we were at Wal-Mart for that black Friday shopping you just have to do, Lilla started playing with an etch a sketch. She thought it was the neatest thing she'd ever seen and was insisting that she needed it, and seriously right now is the best time to get it.

I told her, "Well, Christmas is coming up, maybe you could ask Santa."

She first said, "He's pretty far away. I don't think he's going to come here." (And by here, she meant she didn't think he would shop at Wal-Mart, which I found funny in itself.)

She then started saying something about being powerful and so I asked her, "What do you mean? Do you think Santa is powerful?" I had been trying to figure out what she meant as I thought she'd been saying he was powerful to get all the gifts to all the kids.

She looked at me, gave a knowing giggle and said, "Noooooo, God is powerful."

And she humbles me once again.

Richer

Our current Sunday sermon series at church is the 40 Days of Love theme. You may or may not have heard about it. Rick Warren, who is most popular for his the Purpose Driven Life series puts this program out as well. The whole point of this series is to get our church, as a whole, to love well. Not only do we hear a sermon about the topic of the week, we also are involved in a small group that is doing a book study from the Relationship Principles of Jesus on this same topic.

This week the topic was loving with/through confrontation. Or more importantly, loving enough to confront. I don’t know about you, but I don’t enjoy confronting anyone. I don’t do well with confrontation and usually I get nervous and start to giggle, completely inappropriately, when I am faced with the issue of confrontation. Yeah, that’s a good time right there. :)

But there is something that I got out of the sermon this week that I really did want to share with you. It was a sermon about how the mouth can bring healing, or can bring death. How it can tear down, or how it can build up. How there can be love, or there can be heat, all from the words that come out of your mouth, and from the way that things are said. That is so important too.

Well, I know that I have a sharp tongue. A quick tongue that can often be biting. Oh, what my husband puts up with from me sometimes. I confess right now that my words are not always sweet. Love does not drip from my words at times, and they are thoughtless.

But I want to change that. I want to say things in love. At the right time, to be kind and loving, to be thoughtful and wise in how I use my words. And, most importantly, to let those I love know that I love them and that they are important to me.

So, I just wanted to say, “I love you Michael, you make my life richer just by being in it. I am so fortunate that you are mine!”

Mighty

Psalm 127:3 Children are an inheritance from the LORD. They are a reward from him.

Life with kids lately has been trying. Lilla has been sick with a double ear infection and pinkeye and it is making her particularly clingy. This is difficult since I have a six month old that still needs to be carried everywhere and prefers to be held above all else. Anna has been fussy too, as I think she is teething. We've had a lot of long days, where my husband doesn't get home until late and I just seem to be losing my patience more and more with them. Emotions have run high and crying seems to be the norm. Often during these times it is a bit difficult to be thankful for my children and remind myself that I chose and GET to stay home with them everyday.

This week though, I couldn't help but look at my life and be thankful. Why? I'm glad you asked, because I want to introduce you to the Mighty Molly Mutz. Dennis Rainey, the host of Family Life Today is her grandpa and he wrote a beautiful article on her this past week. I hope you will spend a little time getting to know her too.

And then, hopefully, you will look at your children, and your life, a little different today. I know I have.

I will never be the same again

Today we started new members class at the church we began attending a few months back. You may remember we were up and down about switching as we really loved the people at our old church but we had become so involved in ministries at this church it just felt right. So, we did.

Well, we are all or nothing kind of people, and being part of a body of believers is important to us, so although we've only been here a few months, we're joining the church.

It's a 5 week series of classes basically explaining the church, it's values and beliefs and how to get plugged in through small groups, activities and ministries. This first part included a video of a baptism service the church did last year. I cried, of course, just watching the video. Not only for the changed lives and washing of rebirth, but, because I so long for the day when my children will accept Christ and follow him as well.

So, during the video I began praying for my girls. I prayed for them in my usual way, that they will accept Christ at an early age and follow Him all of their days. You see, I had a lot of hurt in my life that could have been avoided if only I had chosen the path of Christ. I didn't for a long time, and I will regret that all my days. I so want something different for my girls. So, I pray, pray and then pray some more that I will be a good mommy to them, Michael will be a good daddy and we will teach them about Jesus and they will understand it and love Him more.

Tonight as Michael was putting Lilla to bed, he asked her, "Lilla, do you know how to get to heaven, so one day you can live with Jesus?"

She replied, "Yes, you just ask Jesus to come and live in your heart."

"Have you ever done that?"

"No."

"Well, when you are ready, you come and tell me and we can pray together."

"I am ready."

And then they prayed a simple prayer. "Jesus, come and live in my heart. Amen."

And Lilla will never be the same again.

Weedin' and Seedin'

Lately we've spent a lot of time in our garden. Planting, digging, pulling weeds, watering...on and on it goes. It sure takes a lot of work to really take care of a garden, and you never truly feel like the work is done. I continually notice more weeds to be pulled, more ground to be watered and more soil to be worked.

Why do I keep doing it then? Why not just drive down the road to Wal-Mart and pick up whatever is in season today and leave the work to the professionals? Oh, the promise of what is to come! There is nothing like something that comes from the work of your own hands. Not too long from now we could be sitting down to a bountiful blessing of fresh from the garden zucchini bread, a mountain of green beans, red peppers to snack on and watermelon to savor.

Last spring we spent so much time and money on the garden and then the rains came...and came...and came, and came some more. Our entire garden was wiped out. It felt devastating to look at the destruction, the absolute decimation of something that had been so cared for and desired.

I wonder through that then how God feels with us. After all, that is just a garden, we are His people. He loves us, tenderly cares for us, weeds us and feeds us. He gives us the best soil, prunes us in just the right places and gives us sunlight and water so we have all we need for the day.

And then the rains come in life. And we allow ourselves to get swept away. We get angry, we get depressed, we don't hold on, we lose hope...our strength to grow.

I don't know who you are, where you've been, what you have been through and are going through right now. I do know the garden of my own life and how there is a trail of rocks and weeds, broken branches and dirt that needs tilling. I also know is there is a God who loves me, who wants to grow, even me, to produce a harvest that I could never even imagine.

I also know He has a plan for your life. The pruning and tilling are not going to be easy. In fact, they often hurt, but oh, oh the harvest. So beyond words worth it!

Is your hope in Him today? He has ALL you need.

"Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told. Habakkuk 1:4-6

The Darkness too

The other day as the girls and I drove down the road I started singing the words to the song, Bring the Rain. Do you know that song by Mercy Me? The chorus goes:

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

Well, the peanut really likes to learn any kind of music. She asks me just about every day to give her a new song to sing. Whatever I'm singing she asks me, "What are you singing Momma?"

So, I told her the song I was singing and started explaining to her how God gives us all kinds of different things. Sometimes we experience things in life that are really sad and sometimes we experience things in life that are really happy. I told her that this song was all about that and how sometimes it rains, even though that is not always fun.

I then heard a small voice from the back say, "God sometimes brings us sunshine?"

I replied, "Yes, he sometimes brings us sunshine."

A few second pause and then I hear, "And sometimes God brings us darkness too."

My breath was taken away.

"Yes, Lilla, sometimes darkness too."

Sunday's Coming

Even Me

I am crabby.

I am selfish.

I have a short temper.

I sometimes yell at the peanut.

I get frustrated that the baby is fussy.

I gripe about dog hair...ALL THE TIME!

I snap at my husband.

I am lazy.

My house is a disaster.

I have a short fuse.

I waste money.

I am arrogant.

I am proud.

I am rude.

I am unkind.

I am quick to judge.

I don't think before I speak.

And I am so glad that Jesus loves me.

Jesus loves EVEN ME.

Mama, He Rose

The other day I was at Hobby Lobby and found this great deal on really cheap celtic crosses. I've always thought they were really cool looking so I decided to buy five of them to put on my wall. When I got home I realized one just didn't fit with the others and four didn't look right together so I wound up with three on the wall. I didn't realize until they were all up that it was reminiscent of Calvary. They really look quite beautiful on the wall and it is a great reminder everyday of my Saviour.

The next day, when the peanut came down for breakfast, she immediatly noticed the new wall fixtures. She asked what they were and I explained to her about the cross where Jesus died, I told her that he died for our sins and why we were so thankful to Him for that. I had actually explained this to her in the past as her Grandmother is Catholic and wears a crucifix on her neck with Jesus on it. When she asked about it her grandma told her that Jesus died and for the rest of the day that is what she announced to everyone. When I heard about that the next day I pushed hard for her to understand that Jesus did die, but He rose again. Jesus Lives!, I told her.

Well, then last night at dinner, Michael mentioned something about the crosses on the wall. I asked the peanut what they were and she explained to Michael, the cross...Jesus died. That was then followed up with, "But, Jesus rose, Jesus LIVES!!

Oh, but how I will hold these moments in my heart. Thank you Lord for a daughter who "gets it!" Even a two year old can get it.