I would

Once a week we head over to our local home school co-op where Lilla learns with other kids her age subjects such as music, art, physical education and science. She loves to spend the time with the other children, learn some fun and new things and get to spend some time outside of these four walls.

Last week as we were headed there I had a radio station on that was playing a sermon. The sermon was about forgiveness and how it could not only change the forgiven but the forgiver. We didn't hear the whole sermon, as the venue where we meet is not that far from our house but the one part we did hear I remember quite distinctly. It was a story about a man who used to be a mediocre performer at work, very up and down and then he became exceptional. When another employee asked why he replayed a story from his own life. When he was in college he and some friends were playing a game of chicken with themselves and their cars. When it was his turn he was going 100 miles per hour and the other guys were to jump out of the way just in time. One of them didn't. He couldn't get the image out of his head. He dropped out of school, was troubled and never was able to be stable at work. Then one day everything changed. He heard a knock on the door. He answered it to a somewhat familiar woman whom he could not place. She stated she was that boy's mother. She just wanted to say she had forgiven him. It changed everything.

Of course, I started crying. Trying to control my tears I got out of the car and told Lilla we needed to go. She kind of stayed in her seat for a moment. After not moving I told her again we had to go or be late. She looked at me kind of curiously and then started to move toward the door. I hadn't realized she was listening to the program and wanted to hear more. She then simply stated, "I would have forgiven him too."

I was taken aback and said, "You would forgive someone for killing your son, even accidently?"

She said, "I would. That is what God tells us to do, so, I would."

I know it seems simple and she is not a mother yet and can't understand what that means, but it is her simple heart of obedience that really floors me. She really has a heart to obey. When I asked her why she said, "Because I love God, so I obey him."

When I ask her why she states, "God gives us rules because He loves us and he wants to keep us safe so we should obey them."

My prayer is that this love for God will not depart from her, she will never lose a heart that longs to serve a God that loves her. That, all of her days her heart will be moved toward a God that offers hope in despair, gives us strength when we are weak and meets all of our needs.

I hope that for you too.

Answers to Big Questions

Joplin, Missouri. In case you live under a rock, you know they had a terrible tornado rip through the town on Sunday. The death toll is rising past 100 now. Horrible.

As we watched in horror at CNN Lilla began to ask what happened. I started to explain it to her. Our conversation when something like this:

Lilla: Why is that lady on TV crying?

Me: Her house was actually picked up and moved off the ground in a tornado.

Lilla: Did God know that would happen?

Me: He did.

Lilla: Why would God let that lady's house get picked up?

Me: I don't know. I don't know, but God does. You see, we don't see the big picture, but God does. What we do know is that God's word tells us that through all things God is working to bring us all into a saving knowledge of Him. Like when somebody dies. It's very sad, but God can even use that to bring others to know Him.

Lilla: So maybe where that lady's house is they can build a church instead?

Me: Maybe. :)

Have I told you how much I love this child?

1 Corinthians 13:12 Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

Save the Giraffes

Every other week, when we have communion at church, I retrieve Lilla from her class and take her into the service. On the walk back we begin to discuss why communion is important, why we take it so often, what the significance is in the memory and why it is important to be calm and quiet so others can repent, pray and have time with God too.

Last week, as we joined the line moving toward the altar, our conversation went something like this:

Me: Do you remember why we take communion?

Lilla: To remember Jesus died.

Me: Why did he die?

Lilla: To save us.

Me: And what does that mean for us?

Lilla: That we won't have to kill anymore giraffes.

Me: That we won't have to kill anymore giraffes?

Lilla: Yes, because Jesus died so no more animals would have to die. We don't have to kill the giraffes anymore.

It took me a second to take it in, but as I did, I knew she was right, in her understanding. When Jesus died, it took away our need to have to sacrifice another animal, no more lambs or goats or doves would need to have shed blood to cover our sins.

"Jesus paid it all, all to him I owe, sin had left a crimson stain, he washed me white as snow."

As I knelt at the altar, tears filled my eyes as I thought "Thank God for the blood of Jesus Christ!" Because of it, the world will never be the same. And, I know Lilla and I and all the giraffes of the world are thankful for it today!

Here

Tonight as I was getting Lilla out of the bath I heard a "ting, ting, ting", I looked down and to my horror was one of those brand new pink and white sparklers from her ears. A normal person would just say, "Huh..", pick them up and put them back in, but remember, they are literally, one week old today. What does that mean? Not only are the holes new, those earrings are pointy. Like little bitty daggers, sharp enough to easily shoot a teeny, tiny hole through an unsuspecting person's ear. Eeek!

So, not wanting to rattle Lilla, I picked it up and tried, very unsuccessfully, to put that baby back in. I tried through the front, I tried through the back, I tried wiggling it in, I tried shoving it through, I tried any way of manipulating that stubborn thing that I could think of.

Nothing worked. Lilla was crying in pain, begging me to stop. Under normal circumstances, I would have, unfortunately, these circumstances are not normal.

First of all, I paid an ungodly amount of money to get these earrings in last week. I had no idea of that amount until it was all said and done and the lady told me the price. I had a mini stroke. If my husband had been home and realized that might be the only way, he may have said she's going one earring until her next birthday. The other thing, is I live in the country, I had to drive 45 minutes to get this done, I didn't want to go back. Selfish, yes, but I'm just keeping it real people.

For 10 minutes this went on until Lilla had just had enough and practically sprinted from the bathroom. I grabbed her little duck towel covered body, hugged her tight and asked her if we could pray about it. She said she would like that. We bowed our heads, prayed a simple, "Please help us do this Jesus." and went at it one last time.

The earring immediately went through.

Lilla looked at me and said, "See, Jesus can do anything."

ANYTHING.

James 5:13 "Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise."

Chuting down the ladder

Today, after we were done with school, Lilla asked me to play Chutes and Ladders with her.

I said, "No, I need to start dinner now. Maybe daddy will play with you when he gets home."

Her eyes welled up with tears and her lips starting quivering as she said, "I don't want to play with Daddy, I want you to play Chutes and Ladders with me now."

In that instant my heart broke.

And I broke out Chutes and Ladders.

Dinner, I knew, could wait a little longer...Lilla wanting to play games with me, well it just won't.

Wordless Wednesday - Walking Aids

Needed just a few words...

I messed my hip up pretty good last week. Been using these to stay off it. The girls thought they were hilarious to try out. Lilla said, "Look mom, I look like an old lady!"

Thanks, Lil.

To join in the wordless fun, go to http://www.5minutesformom.com

or

http://www.wordlesswednesday.com

The Death of Santa

Before Michael and I had children, we always said we wouldn't do the "Santa thing". Didn't want to lie, of course. Then, after we had Lilla, and we began to remember the magic and wonder it created in our lives as children, we decided to do one present a year from Santa. We try not to make it that big of a deal, the books we read and the stories we tell around this time of year have much more to do with the actual Christmas story than the North Pole and flying deer.

Of course, Lilla is a child and children are enamored by the whole idea of this big guy in red who gives presents and slides down people's chimneys to eat all their cookies. Most kids pretty much leave it at that though, I think. Not my Lilla though. With Lilla, things are never quite that easy.

I was cleaning out the storage room yesterday when she wandered in and starting talking about Santa. I think she had been watching Rudolph. So she starts saying things about how nice he is, what kind of things he might bring, how we need to leave cookies, you know, the usual childhood concerns.

Then, out of nowhere she asks, "Does Santa ever die?" This, of course, floored me for a second. I don't like lying to my children, I teach them it's a commandment and it's pretty serious according to Revelation 21:8. So, I took a deep breath and said, "Lilla, is there anyone who never dies?" She thought for a moment and said, "God." I responded, "Right, and is Santa God?" She said, "No." I then asked her if Santa ever sinned. She said that he did and we discussed how our sin is what causes us to die and so Santa would have to die too.

I then talked with her about how Santa is more about showing love and kindness to others. He is just

a guy who likes to give presents to people. And, in the end, that is something we should do too, think of others. Thinking about others before ourselves is in the Christmas spirit and what God wants us to do too. So, it's not about what Santa brings but showing others kindness. We then talked about how truly the greatest Christmas gift was not brought by Santa but by given by God in the form of a baby.

She then went back to playing and what not and I was left there to consider how my own life in this busy Christmas time was revealing this story. And it made me grateful, grateful for a child that challenges me and reminds me what Christmas, and life for that matter, is truly about.

Some people

We allow our 4 year old, Lilla, to take communion. This practice has gotten us some questioning glances and we've had to ask the servers to lower the bread and cup so her petite frame could reach them. I'm pretty sure there are some people that judge me for it and think there is no way she could be able to know what is going on and I shouldn't force it on her.

I don't, force it on her, by the way. I always go to her classroom on communion days and ask her if she'd like to join us. If she doesn't, and she has refused in the past, that is ok. Although, of course we would prefer her to as remembering the sacrifice is so crucial to our lives as Christians.

We also take communion very seriously in our family. We truly believe you need to go with a contrite heart and a humble spirit.

So today, while we were standing in line waiting for a turn to kneel at the altar, and Lilla was starting to get ants in her pants, I questioned wether she should be there today. Then she did something that left my mouth open.

We knelt at the altar and she said she wanted to pray. I told her ok, and it went something like this: God, thank you for dying for our sins. If we did anything wrong Lord, please forgive us. Amen.

Every question be stilled.

Good Mommy/Bad Mommy

The other day Lilla was reciting a list to me of all the things she wanted to be when she grows up. It went something like this, "A ballerina, a doctor, someone who tells people about God, a rockstar (because, you know, she totally knows what THAT means) and a mommy."

This is what ensued next:

I asked, "You want to be a mommy?"

Lilla, "I do. I want to be a mommy when I grow up."

Me, "Why do you want to be a mommy?"

Lilla, "Because you are a mommy."

Me, "Oh, do you think I am a good mommy?"

Lilla, "Sometimes. Sometimes you are a bad mommy."

Me, (crushed, mind you), "Why am I a bad mommy?"

Lilla, pausing, "Weeeeeelllll...sometimes you yell at me."

And with that, she went back to her play kitchen and started cooking up something for me.

I, of course, had the wind knocked out of me. How much more in perspective could life be than when your four year old tells you you are a bad mommy when you yell at her?

I grew up with a mom who yelled at me. ALL.THE.TIME. It was the main method of communication in our home. Or miscommunication, if you want to get all technical. Lots of fun memories with that, as you can imagine. Now, I want to follow that up with saying, I love my mom, I think she did the best with what she could. She has many stressors and never learned to parent well. But, I also believe she would even tell you this. She was a yeller. It was a coping mechanism, I suppose.

Growing up I swore I would not do that, and I will admit it is not nearly the extent of my own formative years. However, my heart hurts to think this is the way my own daughter thinks of me. I want her to look back with fond memories of cuddles and laughs and songs, not fear or anger or tears. It breaks me that she sees me as harsh.

So, after asking my sweet baby for forgiveness, I am on my knees. That is all I can do. Beg a Saviour who sees and knows, who created me to be mommy to Lilla and Anna, who loves them and loves me. And He...He is capable of change.

^{Lamentations: 22}It is because of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions never fail. ²³They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

Leaving

The other day after MOPS, I was going to meet some friends for lunch and I hopped on the interstate without thinking. I had known that morning I was seriously low on gas, but I was rushing and on the phone (I know, safety hazard) and honestly forgot all about it. While getting off the ramp on to the interstate I looked down to see the arrow on the dreaded E. I must say, I had a small anxiety attack right then and there.

I started picturing myself stranded on 70 and wondered what would happen in the freezing temperatures to my children and I. My cell phone was beeping, as per it's usual dead self, my husband had just taken Vicodin for his back issues and my bestie was sick so I knew I wouldn't bother her. I started praying and watching the tank and before I knew it we had gotten to the next exit 10 minutes away. Whew!

Well, I forgot about this incident until several days later when I was approaching E again. My husband was in the car this time so I started relaying the story to him. Lilla, my four year old, was in the backseat listening and started asking questions, the conversation went something like this:

Lilla: What happened?

Me: Mommy was driving the other day and we almost ran out of gas.

Lilla: But we didn't?

Me: No, we didn't.

Lilla: Why not?

Me: Mommy prayed and God had His hand upon us.

Lilla: God had His hand upon us?

Me: Yes, He had His hand upon us.

Lilla: Does He still have His hand on us?

Me: Yes, He still has His hand upon us, even now.

Lilla: Well...I can't feel it.

Me: No, we can't feel it, but we know He is there.

Lilla: How do we know He is there?

Me: Because in His word He promises us that He will never leave or forsake us.

Lilla: He promised to NEVER leave or forsake us?

Me: Never.

Lilla: Never?

Me: Never.

Lilla: Wow, that's a long time.

It sure is!!

The Lady in Pink

Every year at Christmas time my grandmother is gracious and gives our family enough to get a Children's Museum pass and zoo pass for the year. We have so enjoyed many, many days at both venues over the past three years. We have enjoyed getting splashed by the dolphins at the zoo, sliding down the yule slide at the museum, feeding the giraffes mangoes and sizing up the dinosaur bones, trick or treating at zoo boo and going for rides on the carousel. They have both just been a blessing for our family.

This past week was no different as we were able to enjoy the new Barbie exhibit at the Children's Museum. It was so fun to reminisce about my childhood as I perused over the dolls, introduced Lilla to Western Barbie (my all time favorite Barbie doll that I played with until the clothes literally fell apart, according to my sister. I apparently cried, which, is not abnormal when it comes to me!)and watched her partake in a fashion show. She loved getting to put real makeup on and walk down the runway in her high fashion duds, design outfits for future Barbie
dolls and pretend to be the Paparazzi!


This is an exhibit worth seeing!

Beloved

Today, on the way to the children's museum, I was having a conversation with Lilla. It went something like this...

Lilla, "Look, there's the big dragon (dinosaur) coming out of the building!"

Me, "Yep, there's the dinosaur."

Lilla, "The people built him and put him there."

Me, "They sure did."

Lilla, "But they didn't make everything."

Me, "No, they really didn't. Do you know who did?"

Lilla, "God did. And he made people too. And he made their hair too."

Me, "Yes, he did make people, and their hair too."

Lilla, "God even knows how many hairs we have."

Take. My. Breath. Away!!!

And with that, I sat in worship to a God who loves me that much, that He would remind me through my 3 year old that He even has the hairs on my head counted. Thank you Jesus.

Song of Solomon 6:3, "I am my beloved's and He is mine."

Easter

We had such a nice time on Easter Sunday. We woke up early, got Lilla up, of course she had no desire to see this lovely display...

...as all she can think about in the mornings is a nice warm cup of boob. Yeah, I am still trying to wean the little bugger. She just wants no part of it. However, once that was taken care of, this is what happened next...

...so, nice to know my Mommy/Easter bunny efforts were not in vane.

We went to the SonRise service at church and then headed down to Louisville to visit my hubby's family. Lilla had a blast playing with her cousins...

And looked beautiful, of course, in her Easter dress!

Hope you all had a great day too!

What's going on?

So, I thought I'd give a little update here. I was thinking about my blog a while ago and how I would like it to be a historical reference of sorts for me and for Lilla, later on. I look back at the past several months and am amazed at the steps Lilla has grown and how wonderful that I have documented so many. I think I will print this out at some point in case it somehow gets erased. I guess that is another nice part of having two blogs, if one gets erased you have the other to fall back on!

Anyway, I put a new song on Spaces. It's called Let the Peace of God Reign. It's a worship song from Hillsongs. I always liked Darlene Zsech and this is one of my favorites of hers. I thought it was appropriate in this season of Easter to celebrate God's peace and love. It's so easy to go about the day to days and forget to really remember what Easter is about and how real the cross is. I don't want to do that.

Lilla has been doing a lot of new things lately. This weekend she started saying puppy and baby. How cute is that? Her cousin is 6 months older and those are two of her favorite words so I think Lilla has picked them up from spending so much time with her lately. It is so cute. I say, "Where is the puppy Lilla?" And she will turn her head and reach out for Ellie. Adorable!

She still isn't walking. She'll be 14 months on the 8th so I was starting to get kind of worried. My mom was always saying how I'd walked at 10 months. Today I found my baby book, and guess what? Not so much! I didn't walk until 15 months. So, that gave me a bit of comfort, anyway. Lilla has supertiny feet, she only wears 2 1/2, which usuallly a 6 month old would wear, so I was beginning to think that was it. My mom insisted I buy her these $50 shoes (of course she paid for them) to make her walk. We'll see how that goes. They had to be specially ordered since her feet are so small so they will come this week.

Michael got home from his trip on Friday night, yeah! It was so good to see him and spend time with him. It's hard being away from your spouse. I don't know how single parents do it!

He has been so kind and generous to me lately. I am an obsessive picture taker (who knew?) and he bought me this seriously fancy camera last week. I didn't even know how to work it! He had to go read the instructions, and it can do so much more than I know. I'll have to delve into it sometime. Anyway, wow does it take good pictures! Beautiful!

He also let me get this awesome thing for scrapbooking called a Cricut machine. It has always been way too expensive for my taste but it was almost 1/3 of it's price today at Michael's so he told me to go get one! Whew! We've spent way too much money this month so we need to reign it in before we get too used to it. See what happens when you get a decent tax return! Oh boy!

Anyway, I'm going to close this novel now...hope you are still awake!

Take care,

Amy

Milestone Monday

So my friend, Tammy, over at It's a Wonderful Life, is starting this new Monday Meme called Milestone Mondays. Basically it is documenting milestones that have recently occurred in your family for all posterity. The big one that has happened with Lilla in the past couple of weeks is getting 4 molars. You can see her massive amounts of drool in the picture above. She has been in a whole heck of a lot of pain, but maybe it is better to get them all at once like that rather than dragging it all out. Anyway, there is a Lilla milestone for ya!

Is a handbag still a handbag if it has diapers in it?

So, I've been tagged to show you the handbag that I carry by Steph over at Adventures in Babywearing. I don't think you could actually call this diaper bag a handbag because it's an embaressment to good little Coach carrying mamas everywhere! It's from Target, Amy Coe, has oh so elegant lepoard print on the inside and, if you look at the back, has big old letters spelling out most of Lilla's name for the little old ladies who work in the nursery. They love that I leave that on there!

What we did today...

In case there was any question, I found out today that kids love the zoo. We bought the annual pass. Good times.

Lilla Lesson #692

OK, so I actually don't know how many lessons God has taught me through my precious daughter in the last 13 months, but I know the number has to be pretty high. It seems every day is overflowing with things that God wants me to see and learn to grow closer to him. Today was no exception.

So, let me paint the picture for you. Lately Lilla has been very clingy to me so the only way for me to get a quick shower in the morning is to put on our Laurie Berkner band dvd. (for those of you without little kids for a long time, it's this 3 man band, of sorts, that sing and dance little kid style. Little kids love it and it keeps there attention for a bit, which, I need sometimes so I can take a shower. The songs are really cute so I approve of this.) Anyway, I take a quick shower and by the time I am out Lilla is coming down the hall to find me. I pull out Lilla's toys from under the bed, she plays for a few minutes and then comes in the bathroom while I dry my hair. Of course, she wants me to hold her, which I can't at the moment, so I put her on the sink. See before picture.

Well today she decided she was getting bored of just sitting there brushing her teeth, so she thought it would be a good idea to get into the sink. She'd get in, couldn't get out, get frustrated, yell and scream until I took her out and then do it all again. Ugh!

I started thinking about this in relation to me and how many times God has to get me out of the same sticky situations because I just don't learn. I keep going back for that "sink" because I just can't resist it. And then, when I can't get myself out I kick and scream and whine and say, "Why me?!?!" Oh, but God is so loving and kind to lift me out again and again. Won't it be nice on that final day when we will never sit in "the sink" again? I can hardly wait!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Just moving right along...

I haven't posted much in the last few days because I've been so busy with the 5 minutes from mom blog party hopping. It has been so fun to meet so many new Christian women bloggers out there. I have been using my blogger account because, and I just realized this, you can't leave comments on spaces unless you have a spaces account. How annoying is that? One more reason I like my blogger account better. Of course, because of all you dear people, I will keep the spaces account, but really, why would they make it that way?!?! It's so much more fun to have comments from all kinds of bloggers.

We have had a fairly busy week. Monday we got Lilla's one year pictures taken. Oh, they turned out so cute! The first try she refused to smile for even one picture, so we went back a week later and she smiled for basically all of them. She was a smiling fool I tell ya! So cute! I wish I could afford to buy all of them, they turned out so lovely and full of her personality!

Yesterday we had playgroup in the morning, I watched my niece and nephew in the afternoon. Here are pictures of them. They are cute kids huh?

We started a new small group last night. It was a busy day! It was our first time ever paying a babysitter. We had her come to the house with us, because, well, I'm still paranoid delusional when it comes to Lilla, but it really worked out fine. Our pastor, whose house the group is at, has a 5 and 7 year old that just love Lilla so they had a blast together!

Whenever I see the kids I always tell the little girl how much Lilla loves her. I guess it made the little boy sad because he told his mom, "I love Lilla too!" Isn't that cute? So it was so perfect when, during the group we heard Lilla crying for like a minute and didn't know what it was. It stopped abruptly so we really didn't think about it. Later on I asked the babysitter what had happened and she said, "Jordan left to use the bathroom and Lilla started crying. When he returned she stopped right away." Isn't that cute? So we got to tell him how much Lilla loves him too!
So, that is about the short and tall of life right now. Today we are going to the Children's Musuem with my sister and neice so that is always a good time. Here is a picture of Lilla and Madison on this little plane at the musue. Maddie's having a blast, Lilla, not so much! We haven't been in a month due to the weather so we are excited to go back!

Take care and happy Wednesday to you all!

1 Year Picture!

Lilla got her one year picture taken today...isn't she a doll?